No!
by FrostedMerry
Summary: Just a little drabble that struck me while listening to the radio, Meghan Trainors 'No' made me imagine Penny wanting to go out and dance, but knowing she'd get hit on and so asks Sheldon to be her wing man so guys leave her alone. This story is within my Costumer Conundrum AU world, but it's before that story so it stands alone for all intents and purposes. Edited 20 July 2016 for
Title: No!

Author: FrostedMerry

Spoilers: Season 2 through "The White Asparagus Triangulation". Takes place between that and "The Vartabedian Conundrum".

Summary: Just a little drabble that struck me while listening to the radio, Meghan Trainors 'No' made me imagine Penny wanting to go out and dance, but knowing she'd get hit on and so asks Sheldon to be her wing man so guys leave her alone. This story is within my Costumer Conundrum AU world, but it's before that story so it stands alone for all intents and purposes.

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters contained herein. I'm not making any money from this and no one else is either.

Status: complete

Rating: G

"Please Sheldon!" Penny begged. "You know how when the other guys bail on you to go try to pick up chicks? I just want to dance and there is always some guy who just can't imagine why I wouldn't want to dance with him, or take him home. It's dangerous frankly and though I can go all junior rodeo, I just want to be able to go and dance without worrying. If you'd just come be my, I dunno, like wingman, guys would see that I'm 'taken' and back off. So please please please Sheldon. What would your mother think of you letting a damsel in distress go unhelped!?"

Sheldon froze over the keyboard when she played the mom card. He pursed his lips in thought. 'She had a point, his mother would tan his hide if she knew he was aware Penny could be in some sort of danger and didn't help to alleviate it. Darn it, now he had to go out. Darn Penny for being so sneaky.' Sheldon finally responded, "Very well I will go with you, on the following conditions: I will not be partaking any alcoholic beverages and neither will you if you intend to drive. I'm not staying out all night and we will be at only one dance establishment."

Penny squealed loudly, "Omigod Sheldon, you are the best, you have no idea! I promise I won't drink at all and I know just what club I would like to go to! Thank you thank you thank you! This is the best night of ever!" Sheldon winced at her vocabulary and mauling of the English language. "But," continued Penny, "we so have to find you something to wear. They'll never let you in like that!

Sheldon's eyes widened comically, "There was no mention of a dress code!"

Penny glared at him, "Of course there is a dress code, are you kidding me. What's more, if you don't meet the random criteria of the bouncer you won't get in no matter what, so just suck it up buttercup." She grabbed him by the hand and dragged him to his room.

"Penny, people are not allowed in my room," Sheldon whined trying to twist out of her grip. Penny, of course, disregarded the whining and the attempt to extricate himself. Penny was one of the only people who could get him to do things he didn't want to do. Well the only one that wasn't a member of his family, of course.

Penny threw open the closet door and stared into the abyss. Chinos, khakis, OMG the plaid! It was pretty slim pickings. But what was that in the very back? Penny reached in and pulled out a pair of black jeans. She turned on Sheldon, baffled, "You own jeans?"

He squirmed, "Missy made me buy them. I didn't want them."

She pressed them to his chest and he grasped them to keep them from falling. "Now do you have any plain shirts? Or a dress shirt?" She rummaged around and found a dark blue dress shirt and she handed that to him and said, "You can wear whatever t-shirt you want under that." She noticed he hadn't moved, "Well what are you waiting for, go on, get dressed!"

His eyes bugged, "You expect me to undress with you here!" He fully squeaked and she thought it was cute.

"Oh honey, no, I'll leave." Then she turned a baleful gaze upon him, "But I will come back in here if you take too long."

He stood up tall and glared down at her, "Oh I don't think it will be me getting ready that takes too long."

She smiled cheekily at him. "Hey looking this good takes time, you know." She chirped.

He pursed his lips, cheeks reddening at the thought of her dressing. "Go away," he snapped, trying to hide his blush.

She giggled and left the room, returning to the living room and settling down in his spot, feet on the table. He didn't take long, but she did inhale deeply when she got a good look at him. Boy did he clean up well. The jeans were snug and the shirt made his blue eyes stand out.

She jumped up and reached up to ruffle his hair, his hand shot out and grabbed her wrist just before it met his hair. "You didn't say anything about hair, Penny."

She glared, "Of course the hair has to adjusted. I think if I just ruffle it a little, maybe a smidge of gel, it'll look hot." Then she thought about what she just said and blushed deeply. "I mean, you'll never get in like that," she said in a rush. Then she turned tail and scurried for the door, "I'm gonna go get ready, I'll be back in 20." Sheldon looked at his watch. Then he sat down at his desk to work, knowing full well it would be at least an hour before she was ready to go.

When she finally came back, an hour and a half later, she took his breath away. He looked away quickly, "Ahh, finally ready I see. Shall we depart?"

She took one look at his hair, still lying smooth across his head and said, "No. We have to deal with your hair first." Then she grabbed his hand and pulled him to the bathroom. She stood him in front of the mirror, ran her hand under the tap for a moment to wet it and then ruffled his hair. He stood there scowling as she ruined his perfectly acceptable hair style. She stood back to look at the effect and thought again how good he looked. "That will do. Now come on, I wanna dance."

She grabbed his hand again and dragged him out of the apartment, stopping only to give him time to lock up before she was off down the stairs. She was so excited to be going out, even with Sheldon as back up. She pushed him towards the passenger door and hopped into the driver seat, starting it up and backing up before he had time to buckle himself in. "Penny! You need to put on your seatbelt!" Then of course when she took her hand off the wheel to buckle it, he squeaked and grabbed the belt from her hand and buckled it, all while lecturing her on safe driving practices. Feeling his hand slide across her tummy and waist made her squirm, but she kept her face locked straight ahead, not wanting him to see her blush.

Soon they pulled into a crowded lot and she squeezed into a spot, then dragged him from the car into a long line. She held on to his hand to keep him from wandering off, and leaned up to say in his ear, "Sheldon, seriously, thank you so much for coming out with me. I know you don't really want to be here but I really really appreciate it." Before he could formulate a response the bouncer was waving them in, women like Penny dressed the place up and they could almost always count on being let in even when there was a line.

She held tight to his hand as she led him in, the bouncer not even giving him a second look, 'Yes,' she squealed internally, 'I make this look good and him too!' She leaned up to make herself heard over the music, "Do you want a coke or something before we dance?"

Sheldon startled back nervously, "Excuse me, dance, you never said I had to dance!"

She scowled at him, "Sheldon, how exactly do you expect to keep the other guys away from me if you are not in fact with me?" He could not adequately refute this statement and was reluctantly led to the dance floor after declining a drink.

He stood stiffly as she danced around him, admiring her graceful movements and the smile that beamed from her face. He looked around, watching the other men, to see what they did when a beautiful women danced with them. They all seemed to be just bobbing around in place mostly, just trying to keep up contact, so he did his best to blend in. He was a fast learner after all, even if this wasn't ballroom dancing, and of course he did have an excellent sense of rhythm.

Penny was a little sad that he just stood there stiffly, but as she danced around him, he seemed to absorb what was going on around him and slowly started moving to the rhythm. He wasn't busting a move by any means, but he didn't look out of place. She grabbed his hand and brought it to her hip and danced into him when she saw a guy eying her. Sheldon jumped a little, but when she indicated with her eyes and face, he saw the man eying her and allowed himself to be Penny-handled into a semblance of an embrace. This was, after all, why he was here, to deter other males from attempting to secure mating access.

He was so close he could smell her and he could see that her skin was beginning to glisten from perspiration. His mind screamed about the likelihood of contracting an illness from the mass of people and the close quarters, but he forced it down. He said he would protect her and like Sheldor the Conqueror, he would make sure that Queen Penelope made it through this battle unscathed. He continued to watch the people around him and saw many of the men looking at Penny hungrily, he also saw them approach other women who reacted with grimaces and back stepping away unhappily. He had no idea that this was how men behaved.

Certainly looking back at some of Wolowitz' comments, he could see that this seemed to be, if not acceptable behavior, then it was common social behavior, since Penny had mentioned it explicitly as the reason she needed him along.

He leaned down into Penny's space, speaking into her ear, "This behavior, is it considered acceptable? The grabby men and women needing guarding?"

She looked up into his eyes, seeing that he truly had no idea, "Yeah Sheldon, this is life when you are a female. Pretty much since I hit puberty, I've had to have other people around to keep me safe. This evening has probably been one of the best ones I've had out since I moved to L.A. Because I know you won't try to grab me or expect me to put out later for the privilege of your time."

Sheldon felt guilty somehow, even though he was not the one putting her in the situations she was speaking of. Somehow just being male was protecting him from such situations. He patted her back awkwardly, "There there, Sheldon's here." It was the only thing he could think of.

"Uh, thanks Sheldon. But seriously, thanks for coming with me." Penny replied back.

Hours later when they returned home, Sheldon found Leonard in his bathrobe getting a drink in the kitchen. He startled violently when Sheldon opened the door, spilling his water. "Sheldon, where the heck have you been?"

Sheldon glared at him sleepily, "I accompanied Penny dancing, to protect her from molestation. It seems nightclubs and bars are a haven for sexual aggression and having a male around combats this. Good night Leonard." Then he stalked off to his room, leaving Leonard standing in a puddle wearing wet pajamas looking for all the world like he'd been sucker punched.


End file.
